Intention, Wins, and Reflect and Release

 On the website, cognitivecardiomath.com there is a list of 14 self-care tips for teachers. Reading them I can see where some as not as accessible as others. You cannot always take mini breaks, utilize your prep time for quiet time, and drink lots of water (because then someone has to cover you for the bathroom, all of your mini breaks will be bathroom stops). There were a couple however that stood out to me and I thought that we could explore them together.

To start with, very simply, begin each day with intent. 

When looking up the word intent you will find the definition filled with words such as; resolve, determination, and purpose.

Each day begin with a purpose. 

Each day begin with resolve.

Each day begin with determination.

Be determined to make the day the best day. Have a resolve to accomplish something productive. Set a purpose for the day.

The year may be ending but our effort does not have to end as well.

We can start each day with the intent to be calm. Resolve to do your own mindfulness. Center your brain, body, and feelings.

As you go about your day you can do self check-ins, asking yourself if you are making the most of day. Check in and ensure that you have a sense of purpose and a determination to fulfil that purpose. 

After having a day full of intent we can wrap up with an End of the Day "Wins" List. 

I liked this idea because I felt that it was a great way to bookend our day. We start with intent and end with our wins. It's basically the most mindful day you could have. 😉

Doing a wins list is similar to having an end of the day gratitude list. Studies show that gratitude lists help us be happier, have a more positive outlook, and seek out positive opportunities. Having a wins list, I believe, could be the same. 

At the end of the days that seem long, challenging, and stressful sit and find a win or two. Perhaps that one child who is always loud had a quieter day. Maybe your children offered to help clean. Take time to notice what is a win, small things that are positive are just as much a win as big things that are positive. 

I hope that this week's small blog helps give you somethings to think about as we wrap up the year.

What is your intention for each day?

What were your daily wins?

Start and end your days the mindful way and see if it helps reduce stress.

Last but not least, take time to reflect and release.

Not everything will be positive in your day. Do not hold on. Reflect on what happened, how it could change, and what you will do next time. Then, release. 

Reflect and Release is another mindful way to utilize your time and energy. 

Intention

Wins List

Reflect and Release

MGI

 Last week I started a book that is amazing. You may find me sharing from it as I continue to listen. It's about a 10 hour listen, so there is a lot of good information to come our way. The book is called Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, if you aren't familiar, is amazing! Her focus is parenting, children, and parent-child relationships. So, as you can guess, Good Inside is about parenting. But that doesn't mean it cannot apply to other aspects of our lives. In fact Dr. Becky shares in the book that the parenting skills she shares can be applied to any of our relationships. 

The first lesson I want to share is MGI, Most Generous Interpretation. 

This lesson has stuck with me and has encouraged me to pause and rethink a situation as it is happening and after it has happened.

Dr. Becky encourage us to look at a situation and give some benefit of the doubt. We need to remind ourselves that the other person does not mean malice toward us and is not intentionally trying to harm us. If you think about it MGI is similar to Q-TIP (quit taking it personally). 

We aren't taking things personally and we are stepping back to give a generous interpretation of a situation. 

I want to make a quick disclaimer, MGI does not excuse abuse and is not to be applied in those kind of situations. MGI is for our everyday life behaviors. 

MGI is assuming the best in others. It does not excuse their behaviors but rather gives space around the why  of the behavior.

Dr. Becky shares in her book that when a situation occurs we need to give the MGI. 

When my daughter takes her sweet time getting ready for bed at night I try hard to remember to give her the MGI. She loves to play with her stuffies. She loves to play school. She loves to read books. She loves to spend time with mom. She isn't being defiant and bad. She is taking her time to gain more time. MGI. She doesn't want to be alone in her bedroom. If I take time to acknowledge her feelings and express my own she can learn bedtime is not the worst time. Yelling at her to go to bed will not help her feel better about being alone. Yelling at her will not help her get ready for bed faster.

Dr. Brene Brown also did some research into the MGI. Her findings tell us that those who are generous with their interpretations of others words and actions are happier and more fulfilled.

Extending the MGI helps those in the crisis moment and helps those handling the crisis moment.

Are there moments with your children that you need to step back, evaluate the MGI, take a deep breath, and extend understanding?

Why

 Have you ever been caught in a never ending string of "why" from a child? There was once a time that my oldest two children asked why so much I had to limit them to one why a day. Their whys were not for true curiosity but rather to simply see how many whys they could make someone answer.

According to Stanford Health when children ask a true why question is the beginning of their curiosity. They are seeking to understand what they see and hear. Giving a child an answer or even saying you do not know but suggesting you look it up together is the beginning of knowledge exploration. We should engage the why. Even if it is exhausting. 

The dreaded "why" leaves us never wanting to hear someone ask "Why". 

When I was trained in forensic interviewing of children we were taught to never ask a child why. Why in that instance is not an information seeking question. 

Combing my training of never asking a child why and dreading a child asking me why, I have long not liked why questions. I have avoided them.

This week I listened to a mindfulness that suggested learning to ask ourselves why. 

Why

Above is a link to the why mindfulness that has me reconsidering the word why and all of it's possibilities. 

Is your mind stuck?

Is something becoming repetitive in your mind?

Try a why.

When we begin to ask why we dig deeper and deeper. We ask more questions and attempt to solve and resolve.

Why am I feeling upset?

Why did that upset me?

Why couldn't I stay calm?

Why does that person get to me?

Why do I allow them to get to me?

Why should it matter what others say?

Why can I not control my thoughts?

Why can I not control my actions and reactions?

Why do I not ask for help?

Why do I not accept help?

If you listened to the quick mindfulness linked above you will know it is suggested that you ask why until you cannot ask why anymore. Ask until you have run out of whys.

Are you still stuck?

Have you emptied your mind?

Have you explored questions?

Have you figured anything out?

Could you utilize this mindfulness tool to help yourself reach out to others? Perhaps one of your why questions was asking yourself "why do I not ask for help?" Did you ask and attempt to answer? Can you now make a plan to ask for help?

Could be explore this mindfulness with your student?

Can we take time to work with them and explore their whys and learn what has them stuck?

Try a WHY 

Ice Ice Baby

 Do you have that  child  who escalates and cannot come back? 

No matter what technique you have tried to help calm them and help them regulate, they just keep escalating.

This week lets explore a nonconventional mindfulness to interrupt the brain, de-escalate, and help regulate our students (and maybe even ourselves).

Mindfulness is about paying attention on purpose. We can do this with listening, touching, seeing, and even eating. In the past we have explored mindful eating, reminding ourselves to slowdown and fully experience our food. This time we are going to talk about how food could disrupt our brain and create a new focus and (hopefully) leading to calm.

Cold or Sour pick one or both, but try them out.

Have you ever head about a cold plunge? 

This is where you submerge your body into ice cold water and stay for an extended period of time. 

It is believed that a cold plunge can help increase neurotransmitters related to dopamine. 

Well you might not want to cold plunge your child you can get their brain to calm down by introducing cold.

Giving a student a piece of ice to hold in their mouth can distract the brain from the escalation just enough to help them regulate. The shock to in the mouth has the brain trying to figure out what is going on. 

Small studies have seen a cold stimuli such as ice to have a positive effect on mood, mental clarity, and provide a boost in alertness.

This week I have taken a few opportunities to engage in some ice tests. I observed a student who would not move or talk to take some ice, hold it in their mouth, and then be willing to walk and talk. Whether it was the cold changing the brain or just a distraction that diverted attention; it worked!

It is not only cold we can use to alert and redirect the brain. 

Some studies show that sour is a taste that can cause a rush of dopamine to flood the brain. We can help alter a mood to become happy with a quick sour taste.

When studying sour it has been observed that sour increases serotonin and other neurotransmitters such as dopamine, which play a role in elevating mood and promote wakefulness.

Over the weekend I saw a video which led me down the path of researching cold, sour, and the brain. The teacher in the video shared that she makes Juice Cubes to give to students who need to de-escalate and regulate their behavior. She shared that she uses the school juices, which tend to be sour, and freezes them into cubes. She also shared that the students are also distracted by having to guess the flavor of the cube.

I think I may try some juice cube soon with some friends.

The juice cube guessing game can also be a good mindfulness for a whole class. Taking time to savor and experience the cold and flavor of a cube in a calm way.

The Space Between

 "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In the space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." -Author Unknown but often attributed to Viktor Frenkl, there is no clear evidence to refute or confirm.

The space between stimulus and response. 

We often to do not think about this space. But we should!

The Buddhists call this space the sacred pause. This is a space and time to pause and make wise choices regarding a situation.

Tara Brach, who is a psychologist, author, and meditation expert often refers to the sacred pause. She shared that this is a time to stop before we interject, interrupt, or strongly state our views. We do not always need to do these things and can benefit from taking a sacred pause.

A sacred pause is a moment in limbo, where you do not feel a need to speak, fix, achieve, resist, resolve, or run away. 

It is our moment in the middle.

We can use this mindful meditation with ourselves, our co-workers, and our students. We can also teach our students to utilize this mindfulness to help with conflict resolution.

The way we can practice the sacred pause is to:

1. Notice. Simple take in the information regrading the situation. Notice without reacting or responding. Simply observe as if you are an outsider.

2. Identify your personal emotions regarding your observation, Identify your inner experience related to what you noticed. What are you experiencing as far as; fight, flight, freeze, or faint? 

3. Take a deep breath. And do this over and over. As much as necessary to remain in the in between. 

After you have completed this process take time to then ask yourself some questions:

1. What is most important to me? What matters right now? Does it matter if I am right? Will this serve my greater wellbeing?

2. Is it helpful to act on my feelings? Will I or other benefit from a reaction to my feelings?

3. How can I meet this situation with kindness?

4. What is the truest path forward? The greater good.

In the end when we take time for a sacred pause we can ask ourselves "what is the goal of my reaction?"

The next time a stimulus has you ready to jump into response, pause, ask yourself your goal, and then meet it with kindness. 
 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

 May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness:

1 out of 6 youth experience mental health conditions. Only half of those youth will receive treatment.

50% of all lifetime metal health begins by the age of 14.

The average delay between onset of symptoms and treatment is 11 years.

In 2020, 1 in 5 youth reported that the pandemic had a negative impact on their mental health.

In 2020 there was a 31% increase in mental health related ER visits among adolescents. 

According to the CDC:

In 2021 4 in 10 students reported they felt persistently sad or hopeless.

In 2021 1 in 5 students reported seriously considering suicide. And 1 in 10 students have attempted suicide.

The US Department of Health and Human Services reports that the most common mental health concerns for youth are; anxiety, depression, ADHD, and eating disorders.

How can we support our students and their mental health?

2 out of the top 3 ideas on the list put out by the CDC are; mindfulness and social emotional learning. Two things we already promote at as a school. We are working to support the mental health of your students.

You can too.

We utilize a program called Inner Explorer. You can connect with the Inner Explorer at Home app for free.

Did you know that research shows, what we focus on expands? This goes deeper than always being positive and the power of positive thinking. Studies show that those without depression symptoms tend to form more positive memories and have more positive memory recall. By utilizing mindfulness we expand the positive parts of our brain and promote positive memories and positive recall. 

Mental energy matters. 

I am sure many of you have heard the expression, neurons that fire together wire together, in short this means that the more we expand the positive parts of our brain the more we wire our brain for the positive. Mindfulness promotes the expansion of the positive and the increase in positive wiring. 

A good mindfulness practice is a simple one that follows three steps. 

Pause

Reframe

Kindness and Compassion

💓

Pause to think and reflect. (without judgment)

Reframe the thought. (we do not have to be positive but we can reframe a situation to see more than the negative.)

Kindness and Compassion toward yourself for where you currently are and where you would like to be and for how you are working on getting there. Be kind to your current self. Show compassion as you work toward a more positive future. 

Remember the best way to teach this to your students is to first teach it to yourself. 

Parenting is Challenging, We are here to Help

Two of my favorite psychologists are a source of my information this week. Dr. Becky Kennedy and Dr. Adam Grant. Both psychology impact how I parent, in a positive way. And I hope that you take some time to consider what will be shared this week.

Organizational Psychologist Adam Grant has a podcast called Re: Thinking with Adam Grant. On his podcast he hosted Clinical Psychologist Becky Kennedy. Dr. Kennedy is known as a parenting expert. If you have a moment check out her Instagram page. Her short advice videos will have you reflecting on your parenting/educating behaviors. During this episode of Dr. Grant's podcast the pair explored ideas in parenting.

Something that was said during the episode that really stuck out to me was a comment about the questions we ask. It was said that the questions we ask others show them the road we want to walk down with them. One example is the question that Adam Grant asks his children when they get home from school. And it is a question I have adopted and ask in my home too. The question is who did you help today? Dr. Grant shared that as he began to ask this question his wife suggested adding  who helped you today?  Dr. Grant admits that he was not fully onboard at first. He wanted to focus on his children becoming helpers and seeking ways to support others. His wife helped him understand that children need to also be taught to accept help and to let others support them. I love this idea. I have added this to my daughter's daily check in after school.

What questions might you be asking your student? Are you asking them if they were good? Or are you asking how they helped?

Another great idea that was present was from Dr. Kennedy. She shared that she likes to take time once a month or more if she can, to spend one-on-one time with her children. She said that during this time she makes sure her phone is rooms away. During this time she askes her children for a performance review. She asks "how can I do better?" or "what do you need from me?" She shared that her children have commented on screen time, use of specific apps, etc. This opens a line of communication and chance to allow a child to feel like they are important and their opinion  matters. Dr. Kennedy shared that she is then also able to share again her view point. 

As a parent this can be a scary idea. We don't want to let kids feel on equal footing with us. We are the authority. But this isn't about giving them a chance to change the rules but rather an opportunity to review them and why they were created. It gives them a chance to be heard and to hear you.

There were so many good points in the podcast. Go look it up and listen. I want to share just a couple more quick highlights.

During the conversation Dr. Kennedy said that as adults we need to get better at repair. Get good at repair. Apologize to students. Repair what has been broken. Children need to see humility. We make mistakes. 

Children need connection. They need to feel like adults care. Dr. Kennedy shared that the best advice she can give to anyone is to let children know that you believe in them. Children need to hear " I believe in you." Children also need to know what adults believe them. They need to hear "I believe you." 

Mindful Grit is Perseverance

 

Mindful Grit is Perseverance

Perseverance. It is a great word. Saying it makes you feel driven. 

Grit. Similar to perseverance, is also a word that when you say it or think it, you feel it. 

If you have Grit, you Persevere. 

On her website KimRoberts.Co Kim shares " Perseverance seems super-human in the face of never-ending hold-up."

This is something which relates to many of us. When we are faced with a challenge we are unsure we can meet we feel that digging deep for grit and perseverance is a super-human task we cannot muster. The thought to keep going can be a daunting one. We just don't want to do it anymore, not when giving up seems so much easier.

On her website Kim also states that perseverance is showing-up. The beginning of perseverance is simply to show up.

Kim also shares two other things she feels are important parts to perseverance. She states that we need to set intentions. Know what you want to do. Set it as your intention. This gives you your  goal to work toward. This creates the plan. 

Before you show up and set your intentions Kim shares that you must first commit/recommit to a mindfulness meditation practice. 

Why? Good question. 

Research shows that mindfulness helps us develop grit. And as we have learned, grit is perseverance.

Mindfulness encourages us to act with awareness and intention. Awareness and intention have been shown to be predictors of consistency. These are all key aspects in developing grit. 

Mindfulness is an amazing tool which helps us navigate setbacks while sustaining interest and focus on a goal. 

Mindfulness helps us learn; better, calmer, and more productive ways to reevaluate a situation.

If we practice mindfulness we can learn to visualize a setback and work on positive ways to maintain expectations. 

Mindfulness keeps us in the moment, resets experiences, suspend judgment, address anxiety, gain control, and prevent catastrophizing. A daily mindfulness practice can also help us learn the difference between a downward spiral and an upward spiral. Mindfulness helps change our inner voice to one of encouragement and determination and can helps us keep commitments.

On his website RonRutland.com, Ron shares stories of his various journeys in life. One journey began June 20, 2013 and lasted 27 months. For 27 months Ron biked across 75 Countries with the goal of making it to the 2015 rugby world cup in England. 

Ron shares that he quite his corporate job, sold his belongs and started his bike journey in South Africa; just him, a backpack, and a bike.

As he shares about his experience Ron states that during his trip two things got him through; mindfulness and perseverance. Ron shares that he did not simply practice mindfulness but rather feels he became mindfulness and this built his perseverance.

With the start of a new year and many resolutions being made (and wanting to be kept...perseverance perhaps) let's set an intention toward mindfulness. 

Choose Your Own Adventure

 "Emotions are a choose your own adventure book."- Mason, 3rd grade

This quote from my friend Mason came after a discussion on emotions. I shared that emotions are right or wrong. Emotion are good or bad. They exist for a purpose. We can choose to learn the purpose and grow or we can get stuck in the emotion. I also shared with him that it is how we handle our emotions that matter. We can choose to learn how to handle our emotions or we can choose to let our emotions run wildly with of control.

Mason took time to take it all in and think about what this meant to him. He then shared that it was like reading a choose your own adventure book. No path in the book is wrong, but you usually enjoy one ending more than another.

I love this! I asked him if I could quote him and use this with others. He gave me full permission to share. He even asks from time to time if I have shared it yet. Please, after reading this blog let Mason know what you think of his emotions quote. It will be just the boost of confidence he might need that day.

Awhile back on my social media I shared someone else's thoughts on emotions. This one is more on the silly side. 

 Listen to this guy share a little more about Emotion Farts

I love how we can look at emotions and learn from them. We can get creative when we talk to our students about their emotions. We need to be brave and dive into emotions with our students. And with ourselves. Maybe this blog is for you. Maybe you are struggling with accepting an emotion. Maybe you have yet to figure out the healthiest way to let out an emotion. 

Gottman is here to help us again this week. This graphic helps us break down a mindful way to accept, process, learn about and learn from an emotion; as well as learning to let go of what does not serve our greater mental wellbeing.

We can use Gottman's 6 steps, Emotional Fart wisdom, and the amazing insight of Mason to help us create a mindfulness around emotions.

I encourage you to take time this December (and all year through) to sit with an emotion. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, hold, and slowly let go. 

Feel where in your body the emotion is taking up residence. Are you feeling tension in your neck, shoulders, or back? Do you eyes hurt? Are you sensitive to sound? Is it hard to breathe? Are you clenching your jaw? 

Label the emotion. In psychology this is call "Name It to Tame It." 

Accept that this emotion is real and necessary. It has a purpose. 

Investigate. Explore. Understand. When did this emotion start? What brought it about (triggered it)? 

Do you need to let this emotion go? Is it teaching you something? 

Let it go (if needed) and always let it out(in a healthy way)... but remember our lessons. You might not like the ending of your adventure if you choose to let the emotion go in an unhealthy way. It might get messy if you let a feeling out too aggressively. 

Practice your emotion mindfulness. Enjoy the adventure.  

What is Bully, Really!

  October is bullying awareness and prevention month.

This month at school we take time to talk with students about what is and isn't bullying. We share how to address bullying and ways to prevent it.

To help our students understand bullying, we need to first understand bullying. 

The words Bully and Bullying are extremely over used. We cannot call all behavior bullying. We cannot call mean students bullies. This belittles true bullying situations. It also sets up  students with the misperception on what is going on.

I strongly taking less than 30 minutes and listen to the podcast I have linked below.

Raising Good Humans

I hope that you are always checking in with your student. But remember to follow the podcast and help your student understand what is and isn't bullying.

Glimmers

 Glimmer. The word alone brings a feeling of magic, wonder, beauty, and light to mind. When something glimmers it shines and sparkles. A glimmer is not dark, but rather it is a light. A spark of a shimmer. A micro moment of light.

The term Glimmer was coined in reference to mental health in Deb Dana's 2018 book regarding the use of the Polyvagal Theory in trauma therapy. More recently in February 2022, Dr. Justine Grosso popularized the term with  the use of a TikTok video.  

What is a glimmer? How can glimmers help us in the school setting? What can finding glimmers do for you?

A Glimmer is a Micro Moment of Joy and Safety. A Glimmer is the opposite of a Tigger.

When we talk about behavior of students we often ask "what triggered the behavior?" A trigger is a response to trauma. A trigger puts our bodies in Fight or Flight.

To fully understand a glimmer we first need to look fully at a trigger and the Polyvagal Theory. 

In 1995 Stephen Porges, an American Psychologist and Neuroscientist researched and wrote on his new theory, The Polyvagal Theory. This theory states that our autonomic nervous system is always searching for cues to determine danger or safety. The concept of our body scanning for these cues is called, neuroception. Neuroception involves our Vagus, also called Vagal Nerve.

The word Vagus is Latin for wandering. This nerve is named this due to the extend that it runs or 'wanders' through our body. The Vagus Nerve exits our Medulla Oblongata in our lower brainstem and travels down our neck and chest, through our heart and lungs and into our abdomen and digestive tract. 

The Vagus Nerve makes up 75% of our Parasympathetic Nervous System. If you think back to some previous blogs you will remember why this is important to us and mindfulness. When we take a deep breath in and release it slowly out for a longer time than taken in we engage our parasympathetic nervous system. This system is also called our "rest and digest" system. This puts our bodies in a state of homeostasis. It calms us.

The Vegus Nerve is responsible for; digestion, immune response, heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, mood, and many other functions in our body. 

When we experience a Trigger our Amygdala places our body in the Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, or Faint state of being. We need Glimmers to help us find a way out.

A Glimmer, as we have learned, is a cue, both internal and external, which leads us toward the feelings of ; joy, happiness, peace, love, and safety.

Glimmers help us regulate our stimulated and overwhelmed nervous system.

How do we know we have found our glimmer? We feel it. We experience a sense of calm and safety. We feel comfort and ease. We experience peace and joy. We know we are safe.

We should all take time each day to find a glimmer. Below are a list of possible glimmers. Remember they are meant to be micro moments. They are small moments of joy.

* Feeling the warmth of the sun on your face

* The cool feeling and smell of salty sea air

* The smell of fresh cut grass

* Spotting a Rainbow... or better yet, a double rainbow

* Seeing the sun sparkle on water

* The scent of lavender or other calming scents

* Petting a dog or cat

* Being in nature

* A smile from someone as you pass them by

* The perfect cup of coffee

* Holding and rocking a baby

* Smell of fresh baked bread

* Snuggling a soft blanket

* Humming a favorite tune

* Dancing to a favorite song

* Finding a new hobby

* Being creative

* Lunch dates with friends

* Brunch with a loved one

Finding glimmers helps us set our bodies in a state of safety and calm. Sharing our glimmers with others helps promote connection. 

Glimmers help reduce emotional distress and help us be more in the learning zone. 

Gratitude and Optimism

  "With gratitude optimism is sustainable." -Michael J Fox

                                          

Have you been lacking optimism lately? The end of the school year can drag. Testing can be challenging. You can lose your positive outlook on school, students, or even life. 

Thankfully we have a great way to help us reorganize our thinking. Gratitude Mindfulness.

In case reading his words didn't hit you with profound introspection, listen here - Find Something To Be Grateful For

This is a lesson we all need to learn and then pass along to our students. We have the ability to dig deep into gratitude and embody it daily. All it takes is a gratitude mindfulness practice.

I have shared about this mindfulness in the past, but it is always worth revisiting to remind us to reframe and refocus our thinking.

In a 2003 article Psychology Today shared information regarding our brains, the negative bias, and what it takes to create space for the positive.

The article started by sharing a study conducted by John Cacioppo, PhD. While Cacioppo was at Ohio State he conducted a study in which participants were shown positive pictures and negative pictures. The brain was watched during this time to see neurological reactions. 

This study concluded that our brains show a greater surge of electrical activity and a stronger response toward what is perceived as negative. From this information it was also observed that the negative more heavily influenced attitudes of participants. 

Let's take a moment to think about what this means in a home.

When something negative occurs brains are more readily attentive and reactive. Our children see others acting out, hear adults yelling, and thus their brains are on the negative path....and so is their attitude.

The Psychology Today article goes on to talk about multiple studies replicating the findings of Cacioppo. It has been discovered that what we need is to find that atmosphere needed between the negative and positive to help rewire the brain toward the positive. We need to find the balance. Our brains were hardwired toward the negative for survival purposes. We cannot undo this, but we can help change some wiring to see more positive.

In a study on marriage and sustainability, researchers found what they now call the magic ratio. If the magic ratio is utilized in a relationship, the relationship has a higher survival rate. The magic ratio is 5-1. 

We need 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. 

Other studies looked at the magic ratio outside of a romantic relationship and found that the 5-1 continues to be what our brains need to find the right atmosphere between negative and positive.

Think about what this might mean with our homes. 

What might it look like if you made sure you followed up with 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction with this student?

We can use a Gratitude Mindfulness to help us with rewiring our own brains to see the positive. We can then use the magic ratio to create the atmosphere needed to help positivity thrive. 

A basic gratitude mindfulness practice asks us to notice at least 3 good things each day. Once we notice them, affirm them. Say them out loud or write them down. Finally, savor at least one. Pick one and think about all the senses involved in this gratitude. Think about what made this your gratitude. Savor the moment, place, or person.

Many gratitude practices will tell you to end each night with your gratitude. I personally start each morning with mine. I write out my gratitude as I sit alone in my dinning room sipping my morning coffee. Before anyone else is awake I savor the positives from the previous day and I think about the good that is to come. I like to rewire my brain for the positive before I enter school. I prepare my brain to be ready to see the good in our students. 

Can you practice a gratitude mindfulness today?

Can you practice the magic ratio?

Will your gratitude grow your optimism?

Compassion Mindfulness

Understanding compassion can help us truly cultivate compassion and practice it in our daily lives.

Compassion IS NOT the same as empathy. We need to understand the differences and why more often than not we should engage in compassion and not empathy. 

Do not get me wrong, we should not lack empathy. In psychology the lack of empathy is often seen as an indicator of a sociopathic condition. Empathy can help us build relationships and understand each other better. Utilizing empathy with others can show them that we care enough to feel with them. But feelings with others can sometimes cause more problems and we need to take a step back and create space and utilize compassion.

While empathy is, I feel with you; compassion is I feel for you and your feelings. 

German psychologist Tania Singer has engaged in extensive research on compassion and how it helps us grow our brains, heal our bodies, and create social awareness and connection. Tania talks about Brain-Body-Heart and how they are all connected.

Psychology profession Paul Bloom believes so strongly in compassion he wrote a book called Against Empathy. Paul sites compelling research by Tania Singer and others to back his idea.

Research participants in a study on compassion verses empathy were given an fMRI while being asked to engage in Compassion Mindfulness and Empathy Mindfulness. The results showed that empathy was exhausting, unpleasant, difficult and made people more likely to withdraw from helping others. On the other hand, compassion was found to be exhilarating, energizing, and created a positive experience and participants were more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors. Compassion helps us want to help others.

Another professor of psychology, David DeSteno has done research on mindful meditation and how it increases compassion.

There is a current cultural movement known as "Me Too". While it has brought things to light and created support for some, it has also created a lack of compassion for someone else's story. Research is showing that "Me Too" can hinder understanding of what others are going through. When we shift to empathy we get too close and do not listen as well. We engage in telling people our stories in response to their stories. 

A good way to engage in compassion is practicing mindful listening. To more accurately understand someone else's experiences we should not "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" but rather practice HEAR mindfulness.

H: Halt what you are doing and give your full attention

E: Enjoy a deep breath and take in what is being shared

A: Ask yourself if you understand what they are saying and ask for clarification if you do not

R: Reflect black what you heard to let them know you were listening

When I work on active listening skills with students I remind them, we listen to understand not respond.

Compassion isn't a response it is an action. I will show you I care by doing for you as I walk with you. 

Mindful People

 

I follow a few different mindfulness based pages on social media and the above graphic was posted this past weekend. I love what it says about mindful people. As I read it I connected with some and reminded myself to do better with others. I wanted to take time this week to review these 15 Things mindful People Do Differently.

1. They Don't Believe Their Thoughts - And They Don't Take Them All That Seriously. 

Our thoughts can lie to us. We can engage in self-doubt. Our thoughts can come from what other people have said to us. One of the best pieces of advice I have read states that we need to watch the words we say to children as we wake them and send them to school and what words we say to them as we say good night and send them off to sleep. Our words will stick in brains. The words of others will stick in your brain. For better or worse. When we practice mindfulness we can learn to sort, clear, reject, or embrace thoughts. Mindfulness can help us identify helpful and unhelpful thoughts. 

2. They Don't Try To Avoid Or Deny Emotions.                                                                                

Avoiding emotions does not make them go away. Denying emotions does not make them less real. Emotions exist. All emotions are valid and acceptable. Mindfulness teaches us to stop, take a breath, acknowledge and accept the emotion, and then work through it. If you take a bill you do not want to pay and place it in a drawer it does not vanish and you no longer have to pay it. It is still real and you still have to address it. Do not put your emotions in a box and pretend they do not exist. Address them as they come.

3. They Understand That All Things Come And Go.                                                                                 

Mindfulness helps us accept the present moment as it is. It helps us see the past for what it was. It helps us understand that while we may plan for the future we cannot control it. Everything comes and goes. Today may be winter and cold. Tomorrow may be sunny and spring. Seasons come and go. Days come and go. Feelings come and go. The more we accept them as they come the better we will become at letting them go.

4. They Do One Things At A Time.         

 If you search old blog posts you will find one that talks about the idea of multitasking and how our brains do not have the compacity for this and rather engage in what is called switchtasking. The more mindfulness we practice the more we can see how our brains engage in one activity at a time and we embrace this. Allow yourself the space to accomplish one task at a time. 

5. They Turn Everyday Tasks Into Mindful Moments.

I have shared in the past how when Leila was too young to understand mindfulness and deep breathing I did it for her allowing her body the opportunity to respond. When the typical 1.5 year old meltdown would occur I would pick her up and take exaggerated deep breaths. In a matter of seconds her body would respond and she would follow my breathing and clam down. Now at the age of 4.5 we take deep breaths together. Bedtime is our nightly struggle. She doesn't like to stop playing to sleep. We made up a mindfulness song "Take a breath, close your eyes, breathe deep, go to sleep". And we sing it every night and take deep breaths. In my home we often talk about focusing on the task at hand, focusing on our own behaviors, focusing on the moment. It is easy to find ways to make a mindful moment happen.

6. They Practice Being Curious.                                                                  

It is fun to be curious. You learn new things. There is always a way to use mindful curiosity to increase understand, build relationships, and reduce conflict. This is often called, perspective taking. When introducing mindfulness to students I share that mindfulness helps us understand our own feelings better and once we can do this we can then understand the feelings of others. The more we practice perspective taking the more we understand others and their feelings and emotions. Be curious about how others feel. Try taking their perspective. This is a great mindfulness technique that will build empathy and understanding.

7. They Get Outdoors And Embrace The Beauty Of Nature.        

Have you ever just sat outside on a warm sunny day and listened to the sounds of nature? This is mindfulness. You are fully present in the moment and connecting with your surroundings. Mindfulness grounds us in the present moment. Being outside and embracing nature is an amazing way to be mindful. You can practice sound mindfulness, by listening. You can practice the mindfulness of smell as spring bring in fresh scents. You can practice the mindfulness of sight by looking at the colors and shapes of nature. You can enjoy the mindfulness of touch by grazing the silky petals of a flower in summer. You can even enjoy some mindful taste time by picking and eating fresh fruit.

8. They Enjoy Every Bite When They Eat.            

 There are times I forget to engage in mindful eating. We get excited or hungry and we eat. We don't have time to enjoy and we eat. Most of the time we just eat without thinking. If you take a look back you can find a post on mindful eating. When I did my first mindfulness training we practiced mindful eating. We looked at the color, shape, and size of a raisin. We then felt the texture in our hands and smelled its aroma. Next we placed in on our tongue without chewing. Again we engaged in learning its texture and initial taste. Then we chewed for a minute. Slowly chewing and experiencing the food and its flavor. Then we ingested and enjoyed. This is a good way to practicing slowing down and being in the moment.

9. They Slow Down When Reading And Truly Take The Information In            

Reading from a physical book or page helps retain information more than reading from a screen. You have the tactile experience of holding and turning pages. You can engage with the information. You are present with what you are reading. Slowing down when you are taking in information helps you understand and experience the information in a more concrete way. Speed reading gets it done quickly and then you've moved away from the moment. Mindful reading is an experience. Immerse yourself in the information, the book, the moment. Taking time when reading creates engagement with the material and cements you in the present moment.

10. They Are Fully Present When Listening Without Trying To Control Or Judge.             

Listening to hear, not to respond. This is key. Listening to hear another persons perspective, feelings, and thoughts. Giving their time and story the respect you desire for your own. It matters. I like to listen and reflect back what I heard. I often say to students "I'd like to reflect back my understanding of what I heard you say, please correct me if I have confused details." This lets them know you were fully in the moment, listening to hear and understand them. This shows them you care to connect and you aren't formulating a response or judgment. 

11. They Take Mini-Breaks Every Hour Or So When Working Or Studying.              

There are time we all experience what is called Flow. Flow was coined in the 1970's by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. This is when we fully immerse in an activity. Flow can have benefits when we need to accomplish something, it gives great feelings of accomplishment, and creates a connection to what we are doing. But there are times we need to break out of flow and be more present. My senior year in high school I had an amazing English teacher who taught in what he called "short bursts" and would give us small breaks to take care of tasks. Now my watch will remind me once an hour to get up and move if I have been sitting too long. Mindfulness can involve movement. Mindfulness is about being aware in the present moment. Be aware your body needs movement and breaks. Mindfulness will teach you to listen to your body and it's needs and help you attend to them.

12. They Laugh At Themselves.          

 Be light hearted. Enjoy life. Don't take yourself so seriously. See the humor. Have fun. This is being in the moment. Embracement comes from our brains jumping forward and assuming others will remember this moment with unkindness and remind us of our folly. Being present in the moment helps us recognize that "this too shall pass." Mindful practice helps us be present in the moment and not judge the moment. 

13.They Focus On What They're Doing   

This is mindfulness. Being in the present moment. Focusing on what you are doing in the present moment. Letting other distractions fall away and being present. Focus on the task at hand and not worrying about what is to come next.

14. They Challenge Existing Beliefs 

 We all have beliefs we hold close and don't want to let go. Being mindful means we listen to others to understand and learn. Allow yourself to be open and present enough to not be offended by a challenge to your beliefs. Take time to explore and be present in what might challenge a belief. Mindfulness is about accepting a present moment without judgement. Be open to a belief you hold being challenged. Accept it then challenge and either change or strengthen your belief.

15. They Nourish Their Bodies

What does it mean to nourish your body? The definition of nourish is, to provide the body with food or other substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition. Mindfulness helps us grow our minds and strengthen our prefrontal cortex. Mindfulness helps improve our mental and physical health. Mindfulness sets up our bodies for good condition. Mindfulness nourishes our minds and bodies. Mindfulness also helps us slow down and make wise choices on how we take care of our bodies and the other ways we nourish them.

RAIN

 

This week we will talk about Tara Brach's acronym RAIN and mindful self compassion.
Tara adapted her RAIN from the work of Michele McDonald. Both follow the same RAI but vary when it comes to the N. Both have a beautiful way to look at the mindful practice of self compassion.


R: Recognize what is going on
A: Allow the experience to be there, just as it is
I: Investigate with interest and care
N: (McDonald) Non-Identification, have the thought or feeling but not be it
     (Brach) Nurture with self-compassion

Brach shares that you can use RAIN as a stand-alone meditation or you can move through the steps whenever challenging feelings arise.

As I researched this topic and explored utilizing RAIN, I took time to relate it back to our basic definition of mindfulness.

At the beginning of the school year we started our mindful journey with the definition, "Paying attention, on purpose, without judgment."

Looking at RAIN you can begin to see connections to our definition.

R: Recognize or Pay Attention
A: Allow or With Out Judgement, simply accepting the feeling as being present
I: Investigate or On Purpose, having the intention of being with your feeling and understanding it
N: Non-Identification/Nurture- to me this last part is simply what we are striving to help ourselves and students achieve with the practice of mindfulness, the ability to have self-compassion and accept our feelings without becoming them.

Understanding each part of RAIN can help us explore and utilize it when it is needed.

R: Recognize What's Going On
This simply means to consciously acknowledge, in the present moment, the thoughts and feelings  that are present and affecting you.

A: Allow the Experience to be There, Just as It Is
This means that you allow the feelings, thoughts, and emotions to be present without judgement and without trying to fix them.

As I explored the A, I thought about The Beatles song, Let It Be. Some of the lyrics really connected to mindfulness for me. The lyrics repeat over and over in various ways that in times of trouble find words of wisdom, let it be. "And when the brokenhearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be." "And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine on until tomorrow, let it be."

The A in RAIN teaches us to feel our emotions and let them be.  Mindfulness is our light, shinning until tomorrow. We can accept the feelings as real, present, and ours. We do not need to reject the feelings because we are sacred, angry, or confused. Mindfulness is teaching us to allow them to exist without judging them. As we move into the I of rain we can then investigate and begin to understand their presence in our lives.

I: Investigate with Interest and Care and Kindness
After we take time to recognize what emotions are arising within us, then we can take time to deepen our attention and explore or investigate. We can take time to get to know our feelings and truly understand them. Brach shares that we can begin to ask ourselves the questions, What emotion wants my attention? How am I experiencing the emotions in my body? What do I need?

Again, as we did with A, we are making sure to explore and investigate without judgement. Our emotions exist within us for a reason. To promote a more accepting self-view we need to ensure that we engage our feelings without judgement.

N: Nurture with Self-Compassion and Loving Awareness/ Non-Identification
Mindfulness brings us here, to our response. What do we need? What do our students need? What emotion have we explored and where did we feel it in our bodies? What nurturing does our body need if those feelings were not positive? This is where we rest and sense our feelings but do not become them. We can feel our anger, but not become it. We can feel our sadness, but not become it. We can then work on the healing feelings we need to invite into our bodies. Do we need reassurance? Forgiveness? Acceptance? Friendship? Love? Kindness? Compassion? Understanding? Think about  what your students need. How can you help them work through RAI to get to N.

How can you help your students experience being in RAIN?

Try this week to take one letter a day to explore RAIN. Experience one RAIN drop of knowledge a day. Then on Friday, let it pour down RAIN. Take a few minutes to immerse your class in a healing RAIN shower.


This last link again reflects on Brach's RAIN and includes a mindful meditation practice you can utilize with your students once you have explored RAIN.