Two of my favorite psychologists are a source of my information this week. Dr. Becky Kennedy and Dr. Adam Grant. Both psychology impact how I parent, in a positive way. And I hope that you take some time to consider what will be shared this week.
Organizational Psychologist Adam Grant has a podcast called Re: Thinking with Adam Grant. On his podcast he hosted Clinical Psychologist Becky Kennedy. Dr. Kennedy is known as a parenting expert. If you have a moment check out her Instagram page. Her short advice videos will have you reflecting on your parenting/educating behaviors. During this episode of Dr. Grant's podcast the pair explored ideas in parenting.
Something that was said during the episode that really stuck out to me was a comment about the questions we ask. It was said that the questions we ask others show them the road we want to walk down with them. One example is the question that Adam Grant asks his children when they get home from school. And it is a question I have adopted and ask in my home too. The question is who did you help today? Dr. Grant shared that as he began to ask this question his wife suggested adding who helped you today? Dr. Grant admits that he was not fully onboard at first. He wanted to focus on his children becoming helpers and seeking ways to support others. His wife helped him understand that children need to also be taught to accept help and to let others support them. I love this idea. I have added this to my daughter's daily check in after school.
What questions might you be asking your student? Are you asking them if they were good? Or are you asking how they helped?
Another great idea that was present was from Dr. Kennedy. She shared that she likes to take time once a month or more if she can, to spend one-on-one time with her children. She said that during this time she makes sure her phone is rooms away. During this time she askes her children for a performance review. She asks "how can I do better?" or "what do you need from me?" She shared that her children have commented on screen time, use of specific apps, etc. This opens a line of communication and chance to allow a child to feel like they are important and their opinion matters. Dr. Kennedy shared that she is then also able to share again her view point.
As a parent this can be a scary idea. We don't want to let kids feel on equal footing with us. We are the authority. But this isn't about giving them a chance to change the rules but rather an opportunity to review them and why they were created. It gives them a chance to be heard and to hear you.
There were so many good points in the podcast. Go look it up and listen. I want to share just a couple more quick highlights.
During the conversation Dr. Kennedy said that as adults we need to get better at repair. Get good at repair. Apologize to students. Repair what has been broken. Children need to see humility. We make mistakes.
Children need connection. They need to feel like adults care. Dr. Kennedy shared that the best advice she can give to anyone is to let children know that you believe in them. Children need to hear " I believe in you." Children also need to know what adults believe them. They need to hear "I believe you."
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