MGI

 Last week I started a book that is amazing. You may find me sharing from it as I continue to listen. It's about a 10 hour listen, so there is a lot of good information to come our way. The book is called Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, if you aren't familiar, is amazing! Her focus is parenting, children, and parent-child relationships. So, as you can guess, Good Inside is about parenting. But that doesn't mean it cannot apply to other aspects of our lives. In fact Dr. Becky shares in the book that the parenting skills she shares can be applied to any of our relationships. 

The first lesson I want to share is MGI, Most Generous Interpretation. 

This lesson has stuck with me and has encouraged me to pause and rethink a situation as it is happening and after it has happened.

Dr. Becky encourage us to look at a situation and give some benefit of the doubt. We need to remind ourselves that the other person does not mean malice toward us and is not intentionally trying to harm us. If you think about it MGI is similar to Q-TIP (quit taking it personally). 

We aren't taking things personally and we are stepping back to give a generous interpretation of a situation. 

I want to make a quick disclaimer, MGI does not excuse abuse and is not to be applied in those kind of situations. MGI is for our everyday life behaviors. 

MGI is assuming the best in others. It does not excuse their behaviors but rather gives space around the why  of the behavior.

Dr. Becky shares in her book that when a situation occurs we need to give the MGI. 

When my daughter takes her sweet time getting ready for bed at night I try hard to remember to give her the MGI. She loves to play with her stuffies. She loves to play school. She loves to read books. She loves to spend time with mom. She isn't being defiant and bad. She is taking her time to gain more time. MGI. She doesn't want to be alone in her bedroom. If I take time to acknowledge her feelings and express my own she can learn bedtime is not the worst time. Yelling at her to go to bed will not help her feel better about being alone. Yelling at her will not help her get ready for bed faster.

Dr. Brene Brown also did some research into the MGI. Her findings tell us that those who are generous with their interpretations of others words and actions are happier and more fulfilled.

Extending the MGI helps those in the crisis moment and helps those handling the crisis moment.

Are there moments with your children that you need to step back, evaluate the MGI, take a deep breath, and extend understanding?

Why

 Have you ever been caught in a never ending string of "why" from a child? There was once a time that my oldest two children asked why so much I had to limit them to one why a day. Their whys were not for true curiosity but rather to simply see how many whys they could make someone answer.

According to Stanford Health when children ask a true why question is the beginning of their curiosity. They are seeking to understand what they see and hear. Giving a child an answer or even saying you do not know but suggesting you look it up together is the beginning of knowledge exploration. We should engage the why. Even if it is exhausting. 

The dreaded "why" leaves us never wanting to hear someone ask "Why". 

When I was trained in forensic interviewing of children we were taught to never ask a child why. Why in that instance is not an information seeking question. 

Combing my training of never asking a child why and dreading a child asking me why, I have long not liked why questions. I have avoided them.

This week I listened to a mindfulness that suggested learning to ask ourselves why. 

Why

Above is a link to the why mindfulness that has me reconsidering the word why and all of it's possibilities. 

Is your mind stuck?

Is something becoming repetitive in your mind?

Try a why.

When we begin to ask why we dig deeper and deeper. We ask more questions and attempt to solve and resolve.

Why am I feeling upset?

Why did that upset me?

Why couldn't I stay calm?

Why does that person get to me?

Why do I allow them to get to me?

Why should it matter what others say?

Why can I not control my thoughts?

Why can I not control my actions and reactions?

Why do I not ask for help?

Why do I not accept help?

If you listened to the quick mindfulness linked above you will know it is suggested that you ask why until you cannot ask why anymore. Ask until you have run out of whys.

Are you still stuck?

Have you emptied your mind?

Have you explored questions?

Have you figured anything out?

Could you utilize this mindfulness tool to help yourself reach out to others? Perhaps one of your why questions was asking yourself "why do I not ask for help?" Did you ask and attempt to answer? Can you now make a plan to ask for help?

Could be explore this mindfulness with your student?

Can we take time to work with them and explore their whys and learn what has them stuck?

Try a WHY 

Ice Ice Baby

 Do you have that  child  who escalates and cannot come back? 

No matter what technique you have tried to help calm them and help them regulate, they just keep escalating.

This week lets explore a nonconventional mindfulness to interrupt the brain, de-escalate, and help regulate our students (and maybe even ourselves).

Mindfulness is about paying attention on purpose. We can do this with listening, touching, seeing, and even eating. In the past we have explored mindful eating, reminding ourselves to slowdown and fully experience our food. This time we are going to talk about how food could disrupt our brain and create a new focus and (hopefully) leading to calm.

Cold or Sour pick one or both, but try them out.

Have you ever head about a cold plunge? 

This is where you submerge your body into ice cold water and stay for an extended period of time. 

It is believed that a cold plunge can help increase neurotransmitters related to dopamine. 

Well you might not want to cold plunge your child you can get their brain to calm down by introducing cold.

Giving a student a piece of ice to hold in their mouth can distract the brain from the escalation just enough to help them regulate. The shock to in the mouth has the brain trying to figure out what is going on. 

Small studies have seen a cold stimuli such as ice to have a positive effect on mood, mental clarity, and provide a boost in alertness.

This week I have taken a few opportunities to engage in some ice tests. I observed a student who would not move or talk to take some ice, hold it in their mouth, and then be willing to walk and talk. Whether it was the cold changing the brain or just a distraction that diverted attention; it worked!

It is not only cold we can use to alert and redirect the brain. 

Some studies show that sour is a taste that can cause a rush of dopamine to flood the brain. We can help alter a mood to become happy with a quick sour taste.

When studying sour it has been observed that sour increases serotonin and other neurotransmitters such as dopamine, which play a role in elevating mood and promote wakefulness.

Over the weekend I saw a video which led me down the path of researching cold, sour, and the brain. The teacher in the video shared that she makes Juice Cubes to give to students who need to de-escalate and regulate their behavior. She shared that she uses the school juices, which tend to be sour, and freezes them into cubes. She also shared that the students are also distracted by having to guess the flavor of the cube.

I think I may try some juice cube soon with some friends.

The juice cube guessing game can also be a good mindfulness for a whole class. Taking time to savor and experience the cold and flavor of a cube in a calm way.

The Space Between

 "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In the space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." -Author Unknown but often attributed to Viktor Frenkl, there is no clear evidence to refute or confirm.

The space between stimulus and response. 

We often to do not think about this space. But we should!

The Buddhists call this space the sacred pause. This is a space and time to pause and make wise choices regarding a situation.

Tara Brach, who is a psychologist, author, and meditation expert often refers to the sacred pause. She shared that this is a time to stop before we interject, interrupt, or strongly state our views. We do not always need to do these things and can benefit from taking a sacred pause.

A sacred pause is a moment in limbo, where you do not feel a need to speak, fix, achieve, resist, resolve, or run away. 

It is our moment in the middle.

We can use this mindful meditation with ourselves, our co-workers, and our students. We can also teach our students to utilize this mindfulness to help with conflict resolution.

The way we can practice the sacred pause is to:

1. Notice. Simple take in the information regrading the situation. Notice without reacting or responding. Simply observe as if you are an outsider.

2. Identify your personal emotions regarding your observation, Identify your inner experience related to what you noticed. What are you experiencing as far as; fight, flight, freeze, or faint? 

3. Take a deep breath. And do this over and over. As much as necessary to remain in the in between. 

After you have completed this process take time to then ask yourself some questions:

1. What is most important to me? What matters right now? Does it matter if I am right? Will this serve my greater wellbeing?

2. Is it helpful to act on my feelings? Will I or other benefit from a reaction to my feelings?

3. How can I meet this situation with kindness?

4. What is the truest path forward? The greater good.

In the end when we take time for a sacred pause we can ask ourselves "what is the goal of my reaction?"

The next time a stimulus has you ready to jump into response, pause, ask yourself your goal, and then meet it with kindness. 
 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

 May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness:

1 out of 6 youth experience mental health conditions. Only half of those youth will receive treatment.

50% of all lifetime metal health begins by the age of 14.

The average delay between onset of symptoms and treatment is 11 years.

In 2020, 1 in 5 youth reported that the pandemic had a negative impact on their mental health.

In 2020 there was a 31% increase in mental health related ER visits among adolescents. 

According to the CDC:

In 2021 4 in 10 students reported they felt persistently sad or hopeless.

In 2021 1 in 5 students reported seriously considering suicide. And 1 in 10 students have attempted suicide.

The US Department of Health and Human Services reports that the most common mental health concerns for youth are; anxiety, depression, ADHD, and eating disorders.

How can we support our students and their mental health?

2 out of the top 3 ideas on the list put out by the CDC are; mindfulness and social emotional learning. Two things we already promote at as a school. We are working to support the mental health of your students.

You can too.

We utilize a program called Inner Explorer. You can connect with the Inner Explorer at Home app for free.

Did you know that research shows, what we focus on expands? This goes deeper than always being positive and the power of positive thinking. Studies show that those without depression symptoms tend to form more positive memories and have more positive memory recall. By utilizing mindfulness we expand the positive parts of our brain and promote positive memories and positive recall. 

Mental energy matters. 

I am sure many of you have heard the expression, neurons that fire together wire together, in short this means that the more we expand the positive parts of our brain the more we wire our brain for the positive. Mindfulness promotes the expansion of the positive and the increase in positive wiring. 

A good mindfulness practice is a simple one that follows three steps. 

Pause

Reframe

Kindness and Compassion

💓

Pause to think and reflect. (without judgment)

Reframe the thought. (we do not have to be positive but we can reframe a situation to see more than the negative.)

Kindness and Compassion toward yourself for where you currently are and where you would like to be and for how you are working on getting there. Be kind to your current self. Show compassion as you work toward a more positive future. 

Remember the best way to teach this to your students is to first teach it to yourself. 

Parenting is Challenging, We are here to Help

Two of my favorite psychologists are a source of my information this week. Dr. Becky Kennedy and Dr. Adam Grant. Both psychology impact how I parent, in a positive way. And I hope that you take some time to consider what will be shared this week.

Organizational Psychologist Adam Grant has a podcast called Re: Thinking with Adam Grant. On his podcast he hosted Clinical Psychologist Becky Kennedy. Dr. Kennedy is known as a parenting expert. If you have a moment check out her Instagram page. Her short advice videos will have you reflecting on your parenting/educating behaviors. During this episode of Dr. Grant's podcast the pair explored ideas in parenting.

Something that was said during the episode that really stuck out to me was a comment about the questions we ask. It was said that the questions we ask others show them the road we want to walk down with them. One example is the question that Adam Grant asks his children when they get home from school. And it is a question I have adopted and ask in my home too. The question is who did you help today? Dr. Grant shared that as he began to ask this question his wife suggested adding  who helped you today?  Dr. Grant admits that he was not fully onboard at first. He wanted to focus on his children becoming helpers and seeking ways to support others. His wife helped him understand that children need to also be taught to accept help and to let others support them. I love this idea. I have added this to my daughter's daily check in after school.

What questions might you be asking your student? Are you asking them if they were good? Or are you asking how they helped?

Another great idea that was present was from Dr. Kennedy. She shared that she likes to take time once a month or more if she can, to spend one-on-one time with her children. She said that during this time she makes sure her phone is rooms away. During this time she askes her children for a performance review. She asks "how can I do better?" or "what do you need from me?" She shared that her children have commented on screen time, use of specific apps, etc. This opens a line of communication and chance to allow a child to feel like they are important and their opinion  matters. Dr. Kennedy shared that she is then also able to share again her view point. 

As a parent this can be a scary idea. We don't want to let kids feel on equal footing with us. We are the authority. But this isn't about giving them a chance to change the rules but rather an opportunity to review them and why they were created. It gives them a chance to be heard and to hear you.

There were so many good points in the podcast. Go look it up and listen. I want to share just a couple more quick highlights.

During the conversation Dr. Kennedy said that as adults we need to get better at repair. Get good at repair. Apologize to students. Repair what has been broken. Children need to see humility. We make mistakes. 

Children need connection. They need to feel like adults care. Dr. Kennedy shared that the best advice she can give to anyone is to let children know that you believe in them. Children need to hear " I believe in you." Children also need to know what adults believe them. They need to hear "I believe you." 

Mindful Grit is Perseverance

 

Mindful Grit is Perseverance

Perseverance. It is a great word. Saying it makes you feel driven. 

Grit. Similar to perseverance, is also a word that when you say it or think it, you feel it. 

If you have Grit, you Persevere. 

On her website KimRoberts.Co Kim shares " Perseverance seems super-human in the face of never-ending hold-up."

This is something which relates to many of us. When we are faced with a challenge we are unsure we can meet we feel that digging deep for grit and perseverance is a super-human task we cannot muster. The thought to keep going can be a daunting one. We just don't want to do it anymore, not when giving up seems so much easier.

On her website Kim also states that perseverance is showing-up. The beginning of perseverance is simply to show up.

Kim also shares two other things she feels are important parts to perseverance. She states that we need to set intentions. Know what you want to do. Set it as your intention. This gives you your  goal to work toward. This creates the plan. 

Before you show up and set your intentions Kim shares that you must first commit/recommit to a mindfulness meditation practice. 

Why? Good question. 

Research shows that mindfulness helps us develop grit. And as we have learned, grit is perseverance.

Mindfulness encourages us to act with awareness and intention. Awareness and intention have been shown to be predictors of consistency. These are all key aspects in developing grit. 

Mindfulness is an amazing tool which helps us navigate setbacks while sustaining interest and focus on a goal. 

Mindfulness helps us learn; better, calmer, and more productive ways to reevaluate a situation.

If we practice mindfulness we can learn to visualize a setback and work on positive ways to maintain expectations. 

Mindfulness keeps us in the moment, resets experiences, suspend judgment, address anxiety, gain control, and prevent catastrophizing. A daily mindfulness practice can also help us learn the difference between a downward spiral and an upward spiral. Mindfulness helps change our inner voice to one of encouragement and determination and can helps us keep commitments.

On his website RonRutland.com, Ron shares stories of his various journeys in life. One journey began June 20, 2013 and lasted 27 months. For 27 months Ron biked across 75 Countries with the goal of making it to the 2015 rugby world cup in England. 

Ron shares that he quite his corporate job, sold his belongs and started his bike journey in South Africa; just him, a backpack, and a bike.

As he shares about his experience Ron states that during his trip two things got him through; mindfulness and perseverance. Ron shares that he did not simply practice mindfulness but rather feels he became mindfulness and this built his perseverance.

With the start of a new year and many resolutions being made (and wanting to be kept...perseverance perhaps) let's set an intention toward mindfulness.