*We've talked about I-Statements before, but is always a good topic to review.*
How do you talk WITH your students?
Do you talk WITH or AT them?
Have you ever tried an I Statement?
Teaching and utilizing the "I Statement" takes a feeling from blaming to owning. We own the feeling we have and we assert it, not blame it on others.
I feel frustrated when you choose not to listen to directions because it tells me that you are not focused or ready for the day. I'd like you to take some time to refocus and find a way to help yourself listen better. Maybe you could take a five minute break in the calm down corner.
I statements express a feeling about a situation. They do not shame or blame.
it's not...
Why is it you never listen to directions?
Are you even listening to me?
Is there a good reason you aren't listening?
You never listen!
Children (and adults) more often than not will stop listening when a statement is blaming. It is a comment reaction to become defensive, shut down, and not change the behavior.
An I Statement expresses how an action makes someone feel. The feeling belongs to the other person, you cannot tell them it is right or wrong. When you hear a feeling statement you listen from a perspective of understand not defense.
A mindful way to address a concern is to utilize an I Statement.
I use I Statement at home with my four-year-old all of the time. When she is not listening at bedtime I frequently express "I feel frustrated when you do not listen to my directions to put on your pajamas, because it makes me feel as if you do not care about what mommy is saying."
I use I Statements so often my four-year-old has caught on and will say "I feel mad." She is getting it!
We can all learn to express feeling in a healthy, non-blaming, and problem solving way.
