Kindness Matters

 When it is cold outside it is easy to become grumpy and find yourself snapping out responses to others. Being negative is easy, being kind takes work. But it is work worth doing, and doing well.

I love listening to podcasts filled with experts sharing knowledge from their field. My favorite being the field of psychology. We can learn so much about ourselves and others when we explore our minds, how they work, and how that translates into how we behave. 

Over the weekend I was introduced to Professor Jamil Zaki. He is a psychology professor at Stanford University. He is also the author of the book; The War for Kindness. 

In his book and as a professor Jamil talks with us about kindness and empathy and how these actions and traits can make us better people and help us help others to be better as well. In his book Jamil shares that children who regularly see empathy in their environment will show more empathy. When we practice kindness and empathy we teach others with our actions how to be kinder.

Jamil also talks about one of my favorite mindful meditations; Metta Loving-Kindness. This mindful meditation asks us to first send love and warm wishes to ourselves, then send this kindness to those we love and care for, and then end with sending warm wishes and kind thoughts to those who challenge us/those we don't get along with/ those we just don't like. This kind of mindfulness can be challenging, but when done daily it can help increase empathy and kindness. (There are also benefits for physical and mental health! Check out this website for more information. Science behind Metta Loving-Kindness Mindful Meditation)

As we close out the month of Perseverance and look forward to the month of Courage I want to take some time to challenge us to be kinder and help our students, your children, be kinder. Let's show courage and practice empathy.

On his website, Jamil shares a one week challenge, asking us to join his Empathy Gym, and work toward being kinder and showing more empathy.

This link Kindness Challenge will take you to Jamil's web page which focuses on his Empathy Gym. Jamil has five videos and asks us to take five days this week to be kinder and show more empathy.

Here are the 5 Challenges:

1. Empathy toward Yourself --- this is where we start with the Metta Loving-Kindness mindful meditation. Jamil talks about the golden rule and turning it inward. Sometime we cannot treat others how we would want to be treated when we don't start with treating ourselves well. We need to show our children that loving ourselves matters. Being kinder to ourselves matters. Take one day this week to be kinder to yourself. Let this be visible to others.

2. Spend on someone else. --- Taking time out of our day to use our resources to contribute to the positive well-being of another person. This means that take time to spend time, money, or energy on another person. When we begin to take care of another person we are building our ability to understand what others are going through and learn to share in their needs at that moment.

3.Disagree better--- This one can be a challenge. As I look at this challenge and begin to think about how I plan to work on it this week, this is the number that stops me. I don't really know where to start. I am nervous about having this disagreement with someone. Jamil shares that this act of empathy helps us better understand another person's point of view while also working on how to more effectively formulate and present our opinions. Here were are asked to find someone we disagree with and have a productive discussion with them. 

4.Kind-tech.... If ever there were a time to use technology to be kinder, it is now. All you have to do is open up one type of social media to find negativity and unkindness. It isn't just our youth that struggle with kindness online. Adults are great at leaving nasty comments when they disagree with another person. Jamil talks about technology having the potential to be one of our greatest sources of empathy and yet we have turned it into a monster filled with hurt that then destroys happiness.  Now we are asked and encourage to reach out and send kindness online. Or even post something personal, vulnerable, and open; allowing others to be able to reach out kindness toward you. 

5. Encouraging a culture of kindness... In the final challenge we are asked to recognize and acknowledge the empathy in others. Let someone know you see their kindness and you appreciate this trait and effort. Challenge others to show empathy. It doesn't have to be complicated. You can direct them to Jamil's website, this blog, or simply share kindness and ask them to pay it forward.

Yesterday I made brownies for my family. I told them in order to eat them they were required to do one act of kindness for another person. They thought I was joking. My husband looked at me in a way that let me know he thought I had gone crazy. My 14-year-old stopped dead in his tracks, confused. My nine-year-old is always helping the baby, this was easy for her. And my sweet two-year-old will say "bless you" when you sneeze, tell you "be careful" if she thinks you need support and runs up and give the best hugs saying "I miss you". She has kindness mastered. My kind act was making the brownies 😉 My husband did some dishes and made breakfast and even the 14-year-old figured out what to do. He asked if I needed him to start the dishwasher. 

Kindness matters. Psychologist Adam Grant states that he asks his children at the end of a school day, not "how are your grades?" but "who did you help?" 

Kindness matters.

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to work on empathy and kindness. Then once you start, ask your child/children to join in. Let's start this year filled with Loving-Kindness and Empathy.