How do you support your child at home? Are you really enabling?
At times it is difficult to tell whether or not we are supporting verses enabling our children's behaviors. As we explore the differences we can learn to build a supportive home and ensure we are not enabling negative behaviors.
The goal of support is to build resilience and develop coping strategies.
Support should always empower a child to move forward toward greater stability and independence.
When we support a child we acknowledge difficulties yet not eliminate them. We should not be removing obstacles for children but rather teacher them how to navigate and work through them.
Supporting a children means working with a child to overcome obstacles, manage feasr, and build confidence for the future.
It is important to acknowledge feelings and validate them. This does not mean that we encourage the negative or allow them to be presented in a negative way. We can allow difficult emotions as long as we teach children to express them in a healthy way.
We can support children by providing clear, simple, and practical assistance. We can model healthy coping skills.
Ensure that you are providing structure that is appropriate for a child's age and ability.
Remember to notice the small steps forward and praise the effort even if the outcome isn't to your desired goal yet. Keep coaching through the problems and help them get to where you want them to be.
While setting up structure ensure that you are not enabling negative behaviors by giving in to complaints or demands. It is easy to create peace in the short term but it will cause harm to your structure in the long term.
Address what is going on instead of allowing children to avoid uncomfortable situations. When we do not show them how to address a challenge we inadvertently teach them to cover up what they did or cover up what they forgot to do. Talk through the challenges and address them in real time.
Do not wait. Address things as they happen. Teach children to express feelings in a healthy way. Do not speak up for them when they have the ability to speak for themselves. Allow them the time and space to state and express their own feelings. This will help them take ownership and create a better understanding.
Remember: If you get upset WITH them, instead of staying calm, YOU create emotional fireworks. Avoid the fireworks and stay calm. Show them how to be calm in difficult times and work through the feelings instead of exploding them.
All the children to experience disappointment. You do not need to intervene with other adults, such as teachers. If the other adult needs to address a concern, let them. Do not protect your child from natural consequences. They need to learn how to accept failure, disappointment, and the consequences for their actions.
