Express yourself with I-Statements

 

Often times our students are upset and find themselves expressing their emotions in negative ways. When a student is upset with a teacher redirecting them, they may challenge the adult. In times such as this I talk with students about challenging the choice not the person. There is a respectful way for our students to express confusion or even dissatisfaction with a consequence provided by an adult.

This week a couple of young men spent time working on I-Statements to help better express themselves.

I-Statements can help students (and adults) learn how to express a feeling regarding a situation. An I-statement is an expression of feelings rather than a statement of blame, accusations, or defiant disrespect.

One of the young men shared that his teacher will punish him for talking and not address anyone else who is talking. I explored with him how he talked to his teacher regarding this situation. He reported that he made a defensive and accusatory statement such as; "why are you calling me out, I wasn't even talking it was someone else?"

I took time to help this student reframe his frustration into an I-statement. We worked on saying "I feel upset when you call me out for talking because I feel like I am the only one addressed for talking." 

After using an I-statement the discussion can be opened up to needs of the student and needs of the teacher. 

Using I-Statements expresses a feeling and does not challenge. 

Helping our students express feelings when they are frustrated can help build communication skills, relationships, and a better understanding of themselves. Using an I-Statement means that students have to first take time to identify how they are feeling and why. This is building emotional intelligence.  

I encourage you to take some time and practice I-Statements at home. Help your student learn to express a feeling not point blame. Start using I-Statements with your students, be the example and show them how to communicate with respect and love. The more we lead by example the more our students are willing to try.

Let's work together to use I-Statements, build emotional intelligence, and increase positive communication.