Kindness Matters

 When it is cold outside it is easy to become grumpy and find yourself snapping out responses to others. Being negative is easy, being kind takes work. But it is work worth doing, and doing well.

I love listening to podcasts filled with experts sharing knowledge from their field. My favorite being the field of psychology. We can learn so much about ourselves and others when we explore our minds, how they work, and how that translates into how we behave. 

Over the weekend I was introduced to Professor Jamil Zaki. He is a psychology professor at Stanford University. He is also the author of the book; The War for Kindness. 

In his book and as a professor Jamil talks with us about kindness and empathy and how these actions and traits can make us better people and help us help others to be better as well. In his book Jamil shares that children who regularly see empathy in their environment will show more empathy. When we practice kindness and empathy we teach others with our actions how to be kinder.

Jamil also talks about one of my favorite mindful meditations; Metta Loving-Kindness. This mindful meditation asks us to first send love and warm wishes to ourselves, then send this kindness to those we love and care for, and then end with sending warm wishes and kind thoughts to those who challenge us/those we don't get along with/ those we just don't like. This kind of mindfulness can be challenging, but when done daily it can help increase empathy and kindness. (There are also benefits for physical and mental health! Check out this website for more information. Science behind Metta Loving-Kindness Mindful Meditation)

As we close out the month of Perseverance and look forward to the month of Courage I want to take some time to challenge us to be kinder and help our students, your children, be kinder. Let's show courage and practice empathy.

On his website, Jamil shares a one week challenge, asking us to join his Empathy Gym, and work toward being kinder and showing more empathy.

This link Kindness Challenge will take you to Jamil's web page which focuses on his Empathy Gym. Jamil has five videos and asks us to take five days this week to be kinder and show more empathy.

Here are the 5 Challenges:

1. Empathy toward Yourself --- this is where we start with the Metta Loving-Kindness mindful meditation. Jamil talks about the golden rule and turning it inward. Sometime we cannot treat others how we would want to be treated when we don't start with treating ourselves well. We need to show our children that loving ourselves matters. Being kinder to ourselves matters. Take one day this week to be kinder to yourself. Let this be visible to others.

2. Spend on someone else. --- Taking time out of our day to use our resources to contribute to the positive well-being of another person. This means that take time to spend time, money, or energy on another person. When we begin to take care of another person we are building our ability to understand what others are going through and learn to share in their needs at that moment.

3.Disagree better--- This one can be a challenge. As I look at this challenge and begin to think about how I plan to work on it this week, this is the number that stops me. I don't really know where to start. I am nervous about having this disagreement with someone. Jamil shares that this act of empathy helps us better understand another person's point of view while also working on how to more effectively formulate and present our opinions. Here were are asked to find someone we disagree with and have a productive discussion with them. 

4.Kind-tech.... If ever there were a time to use technology to be kinder, it is now. All you have to do is open up one type of social media to find negativity and unkindness. It isn't just our youth that struggle with kindness online. Adults are great at leaving nasty comments when they disagree with another person. Jamil talks about technology having the potential to be one of our greatest sources of empathy and yet we have turned it into a monster filled with hurt that then destroys happiness.  Now we are asked and encourage to reach out and send kindness online. Or even post something personal, vulnerable, and open; allowing others to be able to reach out kindness toward you. 

5. Encouraging a culture of kindness... In the final challenge we are asked to recognize and acknowledge the empathy in others. Let someone know you see their kindness and you appreciate this trait and effort. Challenge others to show empathy. It doesn't have to be complicated. You can direct them to Jamil's website, this blog, or simply share kindness and ask them to pay it forward.

Yesterday I made brownies for my family. I told them in order to eat them they were required to do one act of kindness for another person. They thought I was joking. My husband looked at me in a way that let me know he thought I had gone crazy. My 14-year-old stopped dead in his tracks, confused. My nine-year-old is always helping the baby, this was easy for her. And my sweet two-year-old will say "bless you" when you sneeze, tell you "be careful" if she thinks you need support and runs up and give the best hugs saying "I miss you". She has kindness mastered. My kind act was making the brownies 😉 My husband did some dishes and made breakfast and even the 14-year-old figured out what to do. He asked if I needed him to start the dishwasher. 

Kindness matters. Psychologist Adam Grant states that he asks his children at the end of a school day, not "how are your grades?" but "who did you help?" 

Kindness matters.

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to work on empathy and kindness. Then once you start, ask your child/children to join in. Let's start this year filled with Loving-Kindness and Empathy.

Movement and the Mind

 Happy Monday and Welcome Back.

Last week I started a Yoga and Mindfulness Challenge with students. ALO Yoga and Mindfulness, a yoga program you can find on YouTube or in the link I have included has a 12 week program for students. If we follow this program it takes us from last week when we started back to school all the way to the week before spring break. What a wonderful journey this can be for our minds and bodies!

Mindfulness and Yoga Challenge

The students shared that this site does not work on their school devises. Don't worry, you can find it all on YouTube as well. Just search for ALO Yoga for Kids. Below is a link to an introductory video which shares about this program.

ALO Yoga and Mindfulness

This week I wanted to take some time to talk about movement and the benefits it has on our minds and bodies. More and more research is coming out stating that the more we move the happier we are. The research is also showing that the more we move the better our brains overall health can become. Some studies suggest that moving, more than crossword (or other brain teaser puzzles) , can help our brains stay healthier and stave off deterioration. 

In Eric Jensen's book Teaching with the brain in mind, he talks in the 4th chapter about  movement and learning. He shares that physical education helps strengthen many parts of the brain and increase the baseline of new neuron growth. Jensen sights the Kempermann 2002 study which shares that this neurogenesis is linked to increased cognition, better memory, and reduced likelihood of depression. 

Yoga is a great way to get our bodies moving and continue our mindful breathing. As we learn to stretch our bodies we are also learning focus and concentration. Yoga helps us slow our bodies, breathe deep, and focus on the present. These are all skills that can be utilized when learning. 

If you are interested in following the ALO Yoga and Mindfulness it will be about 5 minutes of your time each day. Jump in and become active with your student. When we, as adults, practice with students we show them it is important to us and we care enough to work alongside them.

The 90 Second Rule (as it is called at times.)

 Welcome to 2021. 

For many a new year provides a sense of a new hope, a new change, and often a new resolution. Research has shown that around 50% of adults will make a new years resolution, but only about 10% will keep it.

Setting a resolution and keeping it can be a challenge. For me smaller daily goals is a more attainable way to change my habits for the better. 

Over the break while engaging in my own personal mindfulness I was introduced to a topic that really intrigued and resonated with me. A topic that spurred me to do research and set a goal for myself regarding how I experience my emotions.  

Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor a neuroscientist at Harvard, in her book My Stroke of Insight, talks about the concept that emotions only have a 90 second life span. She goes on to explain that after 90 seconds the chemical components dissipate from our blood and the automatic response of an emotion ends. For most this is not the end to experiencing the emotion. The reason for the continuation is due to the choices we make. If we let the emotion continue the neuro circuit the emotion created in your brain will continue to run. This is called, rumination. Rumination is defined as the endless loop of thoughts that keep feelings alive in the body.

We could spend a lot of time reviewing the ins and outs of this concept. It is fascinating and helpful to understand. But to make it the most understandable and relatable I want to focus on how to experience our feelings and let them go so that we may continue our mindfulness journey for ourselves and our students.

Researchers have discovered key components to  how we can learn to feel an emotion for it's lifespan and then let it go. The most effective, mindfulness.

Mindfulness teaches us a way to witness our emotions without becoming entangled in the emotion. Mindfulness helps us evaluate our body's responses to help us evaluate if we are having a physiological experience or a psychological experience. 

Evolutionarily, in order to survive, our ancestors needed their brains to have a strong connection to negative emotions. Due to this our brains continue to be wired to hold on to and react more quickly to negative emotions and experiences. We have to work to create positive neuro pathways. The more we allow our bodies to feel a feeling, the more neuro pathways we cerate to that feeling, and the easier it is to feel and respond to that feeling.

If we continue to allow negative feelings to dominate we will experience them more often due to the neuro pathways.

If we utilize mindfulness we can work to create new neuro pathways to serene, peaceful, happy, and calm feelings. 

As our society has become more and more dependent on technology, our children have been experiencing more symptoms of depression, anxiety, and isolation (especially with the pandemic). 

Teaching mindfulness is a way to help our children learn to witness their emotions, correctly identify what they are and where they are coming from, and then how to let them live for 90 seconds and let them go.

Help your student start the new year with a daily goal to take 5-10 minutes each day to focus on deep breathing, noticing emotions and their body's responses, and how they respond to the emotions. Encourage them to keep a journal and write down their findings; this will help them identify triggers to negative emotions and reactions to emotions. 

Lastly, encourage some time outside; weather permitting. Researchers out of Stanford have found that spending time in nature reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety and helps us quiet the noise outside to helps us better listen to the sounds inside. We can calm our bodies and brains and gain better insight into our feelings and emotions.

  

"Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional." 

                                            Upper Peninsula, Michigan