RAIN

 

This week we will talk about Tara Brach's acronym RAIN and mindful self compassion.
Tara adapted her RAIN from the work of Michele McDonald. Both follow the same RAI but vary when it comes to the N. Both have a beautiful way to look at the mindful practice of self compassion.


R: Recognize what is going on
A: Allow the experience to be there, just as it is
I: Investigate with interest and care
N: (McDonald) Non-Identification, have the thought or feeling but not be it
     (Brach) Nurture with self-compassion

Brach shares that you can use RAIN as a stand-alone meditation or you can move through the steps whenever challenging feelings arise.

As I researched this topic and explored utilizing RAIN, I took time to relate it back to our basic definition of mindfulness.

At the beginning of the school year we started our mindful journey with the definition, "Paying attention, on purpose, without judgment."

Looking at RAIN you can begin to see connections to our definition.

R: Recognize or Pay Attention
A: Allow or With Out Judgement, simply accepting the feeling as being present
I: Investigate or On Purpose, having the intention of being with your feeling and understanding it
N: Non-Identification/Nurture- to me this last part is simply what we are striving to help ourselves and students achieve with the practice of mindfulness, the ability to have self-compassion and accept our feelings without becoming them.

Understanding each part of RAIN can help us explore and utilize it when it is needed.

R: Recognize What's Going On
This simply means to consciously acknowledge, in the present moment, the thoughts and feelings  that are present and affecting you.

A: Allow the Experience to be There, Just as It Is
This means that you allow the feelings, thoughts, and emotions to be present without judgement and without trying to fix them.

As I explored the A, I thought about The Beatles song, Let It Be. Some of the lyrics really connected to mindfulness for me. The lyrics repeat over and over in various ways that in times of trouble find words of wisdom, let it be. "And when the brokenhearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be." "And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine on until tomorrow, let it be."

The A in RAIN teaches us to feel our emotions and let them be.  Mindfulness is our light, shinning until tomorrow. We can accept the feelings as real, present, and ours. We do not need to reject the feelings because we are sacred, angry, or confused. Mindfulness is teaching us to allow them to exist without judging them. As we move into the I of rain we can then investigate and begin to understand their presence in our lives.

I: Investigate with Interest and Care and Kindness
After we take time to recognize what emotions are arising within us, then we can take time to deepen our attention and explore or investigate. We can take time to get to know our feelings and truly understand them. Brach shares that we can begin to ask ourselves the questions, What emotion wants my attention? How am I experiencing the emotions in my body? What do I need?

Again, as we did with A, we are making sure to explore and investigate without judgement. Our emotions exist within us for a reason. To promote a more accepting self-view we need to ensure that we engage our feelings without judgement.

N: Nurture with Self-Compassion and Loving Awareness/ Non-Identification
Mindfulness brings us here, to our response. What do we need? What do our students need? What emotion have we explored and where did we feel it in our bodies? What nurturing does our body need if those feelings were not positive? This is where we rest and sense our feelings but do not become them. We can feel our anger, but not become it. We can feel our sadness, but not become it. We can then work on the healing feelings we need to invite into our bodies. Do we need reassurance? Forgiveness? Acceptance? Friendship? Love? Kindness? Compassion? Understanding? Think about  what your students need. How can you help them work through RAI to get to N.

How can you help your students experience being in RAIN?

Try this week to take one letter a day to explore RAIN. Experience one RAIN drop of knowledge a day. Then on Friday, let it pour down RAIN. Take a few minutes to immerse your class in a healing RAIN shower.


This last link again reflects on Brach's RAIN and includes a mindful meditation practice you can utilize with your students once you have explored RAIN.

Engage with children, disengage with screens

 What if you had a tech free day, not a free tech day? 

Studies show that the amount of time we spend on a screen continues to increase. Did you know the posture most people sit in while engaging in smartphone use is head, neck, and shoulders hunched forward? This posture puts strain on the neck. Have you ever asked an 8-year-old to spend the day sitting on your neck and shoulders? Probably not, that sounds like a strange request. The posture you sit in while on your smartphone puts pressure on your neck and shoulders. That pressure is the same amount of weight as if you asked an 8-year-old to sit on your neck and shoulders.

Research shows an increase in mental health concerns for children and youth. The top three are anxiety, depression, and stress.

30% of 2-year-old know how to use a smart device but have limited to no language skills.

Many children age 3-4 years old use a smart device daily, however, they lack fine motor skills.

Recent studies have found that the number of children with a smart device addiction is higher than the rate of alcoholism in America. 

These recent studies report that there are three key things to look at to assess a smart device addiction.

1. Does this person show signs of anxiety?

2. Does this person show a lack of fear of consequences?

3. Does this person show a lack of impulse control? When was the last time you checked your phone? Did you know that research shows we check our phones on average of 150 times a day?!

A study done by Microsoft found that our attention span is now only 8 seconds. That is less than the attention span of a goldfish. 

We could dive deeper and deeper into study after study related to technology and how it can harm our children. This background is important to understand. This helps fuel a drive to encourage tech free times. 

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could increase attention span, reduce anxiety, and help address depression?

We can!

An article out of the Mayo Clinic from October 2022 shares that mindfulness can not only help with attention, anxiety, and depression, but possibly other health concerns.

The Mayo Clinic reports that mindfulness may help control diabetes, fibromyalgia, high blood presser, lessen insomnia, reduce pain, and reduce job burn out.

Take some time today to sit still, breathe deep, and calm your mind. Engage in a mindfulness practice daily. The Mayo Clinic suggests creating a daily routine. It is reported that after about six months it will become a habit completely interwoven into your daily routine. 

Quick 2 Minute Mindful Break

I encourage you to explore some tech free time and be mindful. 

I challenge you to start noticing how often you pick up from phone during the day. What if you put it down without looking at the screen? What if instead you took a deep breath and spent time engaged in mindful meditation? 

Remember, the more we work on our own attention span the better equipped we will be to help our students with their attention.

If we want engaged learners, we need to be engaged leaders. 

Calm the body with the body

Would you like to help your student calm when stressed, needs to get sleep, or are feeling overwhelmed?  

Have you ever heard of or tried The Havening Technique?

The Havening Technique was developed by Dr. Ronald Ruden. Dr. Ruden used decades of neuroscience research to create Havening.

Havening helps trigger the production and use of the Delta brain wave.

Delta Brain Waves are known to be the slowest waves and they promote deep levels of relaxation, restorative healing, and restorative sleep. Delta waves also promote healing and a stronger immune system. 

Problems with Delta waves are typically related to sever ADHD, brain injury, learning problems, and inability to think.

If Delta waves are suppressed it can lead to the bodies inability to create restorative sleep, inability to rejuvenate the body, and an inability to revitalize the brain. 

Ok...Now that we have had a mini neuroscience lesson to help us understand why Havening is helpful, let's get back to Havening.

Dr. Ruden has found that when practiced Havening's ability to trigger Delta waves can help the mind and body heal from trauma and stress. Havening has been shown to help de-traumatize the memory and remove negative affects of trauma on the mind and body.

The practice of Havening can be done by others or the self. Self-Havening is a great technique to teach to our students. It creates a mindfulness practice that can help us as adults find peace in our own minds and body and be better equipped to support our students.

The Havening Technique focuses of hand movement on three specific areas of the body. 

The Face

The Arms (downward from shoulder to elbow ... or all the way to hand to transition into hands)

The Hands

Cup of Calm

No Breathe, No Life The wisdom of my childhood. 

Before mindfulness was a thing my generation had The Karate Kid (the original from the '80s). Mr. Miyagi was wise, centered, focused, and calm. He taught us to focus on the breath and be calm. This is a wisdom to share with this next generation.

This time of year can cause stress, anxiety, and dread for many. For some this time of year is simply the month of December. Understanding that we call have different needs and feelings can help us to help ourselves and others enter and exit this month with calm.

Learning to step back, notice, and accept what it going on can help us find a new focus and clarity. 

The winter months also brings with it its own mental health concerns such as, SAD (seasonal affective disorder). The limited light has a real affect on our moods and mental health.

We can combat this with mindfulness and intentionally building connection with others.

Use the month of December to connect with your children. We too will utilize this month to connect with your students. 

Use mindfulness as a way to calm and connect.

Below is a link to a cute book on Hot Cocoa Calm, it is a mindfulness book about a mindfulness practice call Hot Cocoa Breathing. A personal favorite of mine.

Hot Cocoa Calm 

I encourage you to make some cups of cocoa and sit with your children and listen and follow along with the story.

Enjoy a cup of calm.

I Statement Communication.

*We've talked about I-Statements before, but is always a good topic to review.*

How do you talk WITH your students?

Do you talk WITH or AT them?

Have you ever tried an I Statement?

Teaching and utilizing the "I Statement" takes a feeling from blaming to owning. We own the feeling we have and we assert it, not blame it on others. 

I feel frustrated when you choose not to listen to directions because it tells me that you are not focused or ready for the day. I'd like you to take some time to refocus and find a way to help yourself listen better. Maybe you could take a five minute break in the calm down corner.

I statements express a feeling about a situation. They do not shame or blame. 

it's not... 

Why is it you never listen to directions?

Are you even listening to me?

Is there a good reason you aren't listening?

You never listen!

Children (and adults) more often than not will stop listening when a statement is blaming. It is a comment reaction to become defensive, shut down, and not change the behavior.

An I Statement expresses how an action makes someone feel. The feeling belongs to the other person, you cannot tell them it is right or wrong. When you hear a feeling statement you listen from a perspective of understand not defense. 

A mindful way to address a concern is to utilize an I Statement.

I use I Statement at home with my four-year-old all of the time. When she is not listening at bedtime I frequently express "I feel frustrated when you do not listen to my directions to put on your pajamas, because it makes me feel as if you do not care about what mommy is saying." 

I use I Statements so often my four-year-old has caught on and will say "I feel mad." She is getting it!

We can all learn to express feeling in a healthy, non-blaming, and problem solving way. 

Support v Enabling

 How do you support your child at home? Are you really enabling?

At times it is difficult to tell whether or not we are supporting verses enabling our children's behaviors. As we explore the differences we can learn to build a supportive home and ensure we are not enabling negative behaviors.

The goal of support is to build resilience and develop coping strategies.  

Support should always empower a child to move forward toward greater stability and independence.

When we support a child we acknowledge difficulties yet not eliminate them. We should not be removing obstacles for children but rather teacher them how to navigate and work through them.

Supporting a children means working with a child to overcome obstacles, manage feasr, and build confidence for the future.

It is important to acknowledge feelings and validate them. This does not mean that we encourage the negative or allow them to be presented in a negative way. We can allow difficult emotions as long as we teach children to express them in a healthy way.

We can support children by providing clear, simple, and practical assistance. We can model healthy coping skills.

Ensure that you are providing structure that is appropriate for a child's age and ability. 

Remember to notice the small steps forward and praise the effort even if the outcome isn't to your desired goal yet. Keep coaching through the problems and help them get to where you want them to be.

While setting up structure ensure that you are not enabling negative behaviors by giving in to complaints or demands. It is easy to create peace in the short term but it will cause harm to your structure in the long term.

Address what is going on instead of allowing children to avoid uncomfortable situations. When we do not show them how to address a challenge we inadvertently teach them to cover up what they did or cover up what they forgot to do. Talk through the challenges and address them in real time.

Do not wait. Address things as they happen. Teach children to express feelings in a healthy way. Do not speak up for them when they have the ability to speak for themselves. Allow them the time and space to state and express their own feelings. This will help them take ownership and create a better understanding.

Remember: If you get upset WITH them, instead of staying calm, YOU create emotional fireworks. Avoid the fireworks and stay calm. Show them how to be calm in difficult times and work through the feelings instead of exploding them.

All the children to experience disappointment. You do not need to intervene with other adults, such as teachers. If the other adult needs to address a concern, let them. Do not protect your child from natural consequences. They need to learn how to accept failure, disappointment, and the consequences for their actions. 

Invite calm into your home

 Mindful parenting can be challenging. When a child's behavior challenges our calm we are no longer in the present without judgement. We are judging the behavior and in the future with a consequence.

Mindful parenting can be done. We need only take time and practice.

The link below is a great resource to help you get started on mindful parenting.

Mindful Parenting

As I read and took notes I connected with the idea that transitions are not the in-between time, but its own time. This got me thinking of life's transitions. Infancy to Toddler. Toddler to Preschool. Preschool to Elementary. Elementary to Middle school....and this is the challenge. 

If you haven't hit the transition to middle school yet, hold on tight and start preparing now. If you are there, take a deep breath we are here to support you. If you've been there, you know.

One of my favorite quotes is: