Extending Gratitude

 As we continue walking through the new year, let's continue to look at our bite-size mindfulness.

This week is extending last week's gratitude mindfulness. 

Our challenge is to extend gratitude to others, especially our children.

As you consider this mindfulness I want you to be open to the task. It is easy to make a list and state "I am grateful for my family" but it is another thing to then express that to your family. As a parent I know that there are some days it is difficult to extend gratitude to children. But they need it.

On The Child Mind Institute website we are presented with helpful tips on growing gratitude in children. The first tip is to set the example.

When we think about setting the example we first consider just being a grateful person and saying please and thank you to other adults. This is a simple task compared to looking at a child and genuinely expressing gratitude. Saying "Thank you for having a great day at school" "Thank you for being kind to your sibling", even saying thank you for chores that are expected of them. 

In my research on this topic I was presented with an idea that I did not agree with but understand the concept. I want to take the concept and change it up a little and make it better.

On the website Fatherly.com an article discussed the topic of building up grateful children. The author of the article stated that sometimes it's ok for children to "fake gratitude." When explained the author posed the scenario where a child receives a gift from grandma and it was a gift the child did not like. The author states that the child should say thank you and pretend to be grateful. I get it. But I want to look at it a different way.

Let's teach our children to be grateful for the time, thought, and money spent. Let's talk with our children about be grateful for having the grandmother try. Or simply being grateful for having a grandmother. 

Teaching our children to think of more parts than the present itself opens the child to a bigger world than themselves.

When we simply focus on the gift and a fake gratitude we teach the children that the gift was all that mattered. Teach them that the person giving it matters. That person's time matters. That person's money matters. And our genuine heart of gratitude matters.

When we practice gratitude as a mindful moment we take more time to be present in the gratitude and not simply being grateful for show.

Taking time to grow gratitude in children means mindfully living gratitude in our own lives.

New Year full of Mindful Opportunities

 Happy 2022.

We are back. Some may be happier about that than others. My three-year-old just wants to skip pre-school and head to kindergarten, my 5th grader is glad to be back with her friends, and my ninth grader is as always indifferent- he attends school for friends and sports.

For some parents there has been anxiety around returning to in-person. For other parents they are glad to have their students returning to routine. 

No matter where you or your student fall on the continuum of happiness to return, Welcome Back!

Having a mindful mindset can help us meet challenging emotions head on. 

Research shows us that pushing aside negative emotions can do more harm than good. Research also shows that allowing negative emotions to control our lives, also does more harm than good. So the question is; what do we do with negative emotions? The answer; we learn to feel them, understand them, and then let them go.

As I came into work today the podcast I started yesterday stopped working. I was frustrated. I started to allow the frustration to distract me. This could have taken over and I could have been a distracted driver. I chose to practice mindful emotional awareness. I stated to myself, I feel frustrated. I continued my self-talk and told myself I could check on the podcast later and reminded myself I had another podcast I wanted to listen to this week. I started the other podcast, took some good breaths and drove calmly and safely.

The better we become, as adults, at identify and expressing our emotions in a healthy way; the better our children will become too.

I work diligently with three-year-old on expressing, identify, and letting go of emotions. When she cries I tell her she can cry if she needs to but that when she is done we need to take a breath and keep going. I tell her that she can be sad when she needs to be, but don't stay sad. I let her know when her behavior frustrates me and I stay calm and give her clear If...Then... statements. I'm not going to tell you it works perfectly every time, but I will tell you it helps me and I can see it helps her.

I will become frustrated from time to time and when I feel it begin to overwhelm me I take big deep breaths and say it out loud. It helps me to regain my perspective. 

As we start a new year, let's take some time to pause, breath, and gain perspective.

Mindfulness works. 

This year I want to try my best to give you some bite-sized mindful moments to carry with you.

This week's bite-side mindful moment is simply an encouragement to take 5 minutes today to be grateful. List in your head or on paper (I use an app on my phone called ReWi) and list 3 things you are thankful for and why.

Self-Control Mindfulness

December is the month of Self-Control for our moral focus.

Research shows that mindfulness practice will help our ability to show self-control. 

This time of year from many families it is the holiday season. For all of our students it means a two week break from school. The anticipation of these events can lead to a limited ability to remain calm and in control. 

Helping children gain self-control will help calm them and reduce your stress.

Take some time this month to practice calm deep breaths, sitting with ones thoughts and feelings, and taking time away from screens.

I know in my house the older children show less self-control when they are on a screen. My oldest is often reminded of his voice level, his word choice, and the amount of time he is on a screen. Teaching a mindful self-control now will support children as they mature into adulthood. 

If you have a bottle of bubbles at home practice self-control with bubbles.

I like to blow bubbles and have students simply watch them. No popping is allowed. Watching the bubbles creates focus, calm, and self-control. Let the child blow a bubble too. This helps with slow in and out deep breathing.

Mindfulness is a great way to connect as a family and boost self-control during a challenging and stressful holiday season.

Sharing Mindful Time

 It can be a challenge to find "extra" time in your day. We all feel the rush of the day and the demands to get it all done before we go to sleep. As we think about our time we might take a step back and reflect on our own time on a screen as well as the time our students spend on a screen.

We all spend a lot of time in front a screen. For some it is work based, for many others is it social media based. 

When we evaluate our time and we see social media time we can practice some mindfulness with our time.

We can do this with our students.

This concept is called "Join Media Engagement." This is an idea that we can spend time on a screen with our student.

There are some great mindfulness apps for phones. There are educational games for phones, tablets, and computers. And of course there are the games that children and adults like to play for fun.

Take some time to find a great app or educational game that can be play together and spend time interacting with each other as you spend time on the screens.

Studies show us that we all spend too much time on a screen and not enough time interacting with people, face-to-face. 

Social engagement skills are lacking for so many youth today. The ability to solve conflict and have interpersonal relationships has become more challenging with the increase of social media and gaming.

Joint Media Engagement can also be a great way to check in on your students social media. If you have a set nightly time/weekly time, to have this time you can build in a social media check. 

As a school behavior specialist I am presented with a lot of concerns related to social media conflicts which find there way into the school day. 

Our students often use apps such as SnapChat, TikTok, and Whatsapp to interact with their peers. During these interactions the students are not always kind. Often they feel safe from consequences and are meaner than in real life. 

This mindful family join media time can build a stronger more connected relationship between you and your student, as well as teach them social media behavior and responsibility. 

Mindful in the Chaos

 This week I listened to a podcast and Ted Talk that featured Dr. Amishi Jha, a mindfulness expert. Dr. Jha has spend a large part of her career focused on attention and mindfulness. She spends time utilizing her knowledge to aid the US military with mindfulness training.

In the podcast Dr. Jha shared a mindfulness she practiced which came about from an irritation. I wanted to reflect on this idea for our mindfulness this week.

Dr. Jha was in a hotel room, ruminating and worrying about the upcoming podcast she was set to be on. In the hotel the air conditioner kicked on (lucky lady was in California). The sound of the air started irritate her. When she noticed this feel arise she quickly went into mindful mode.

Dr. Jha shared that she could have continued to ruminate and be irritated or she could be mindful. Mindfulness, as we all know by now, is being present and aware of the moment you are in.

At that moment she simply stated to herself, the air is on in my room. She went on to restate this over and over until she no longer heard the air but heard herself. She chose to embrace instead of fight. 

Is there something that your child does that irritates you? Instead of yelling and fixating on this behavior try to embrace it and accept it. The more you are able to do this the more mindful you will feel in your life.

Accepting things as they are can help us release and reduce anxiety.

Microaggressions can lead to Bullying

 

This month as we have been exploring what IS and IS NOT BULLYING, middle school has focused on Microaggressions. 

It is important as the adults shaping the lives of children, that we acknowledge the implicit bias that we have and pass on to the children. 

Psychologist Derald W. Sue defines microaggressions as: "The everyday slights, indignities, put downs, and insults that people of color, woman, LGBT populations or those who are marginalized experiences in their day-to-day interactions with people."

I shared with the students that there is a great book for their age group which explores this topic. Author Jerry Craft wrote the book New Kid to explore the experiences of a young black male switching schools and learning his own implicit bias while handling the biases of others. 

When we think about how to mindfully address this topic it is important to remember that we are not working toward creating division but unity. We want to explore experiences, observations, and the ideas that we need to challenge or change.

Dr. Sue when exploring and defining microaggressions created three categories. 

1. Microassaults

2. Microinsults

3. Microinvalidation 

Microaggression Discussion Video

The above link is a great discussion with college students regarding microaggressions. The instructor reviews the three types and talks with the students regarding their own experiences. 

Unfortunately most in a marginalized group will at one time experience a microaggression. 

Taking time to educate on what they are can help us overcome our implicit bias and help us notice any microaggressions we have used. 

Examples of Microaggressions are:

*Failing to learn how to pronounce someone's name after they have corrected several times

*Assuming a gender

*Using sexist language

*Expecting a single person to represent an entire group of people

*Using inappropriate humor toward: woman, people of color, based on gender identify, or sexual orientation.  

October is Bullying Awareness and Prevention Month

 October is Bullying Awareness and Prevention Month.

We would like to take this month to help our students understand what is and isn't bullying.

This chart is a great way to break down interactions with others. Just because someone calls a child a name, once, does not make it bullying. When a child chooses to not play with another child, this is not bullying.

Bullying is: Repeated, Hurts the Target Only, Is an effort to Control the other person.

This year our theme for October is: Know Better. Do Better. 

This comes from a Maya Angelou quote.

Our hope is that during the month of October, as we focus on bullying awareness education, we can teach our students to know better and then they can do better.